Sex Therapy

Talking about the problem is just the beginning of finding a solution that will bring about lasting change. Your therapist will want to begin by gathering information that will provide a thorough understanding of what brought you into counseling, the history of your relationship, and your goals for change. Often, couples have not shared their feelings and perceptions, so clearing up misunderstandings and resentments in sex therapy is an important first step to creating openness and trust as a foundation for good sex. In addition to facilitating dialog between the partners, the therapist will also provide information where appropriate, and will suggest specific activities and exercises to be done at home.

“Chemistry” is an important part of sexual activity in the early stages of a relationship, but nobody is attracted in the same way to someone for 30 years or more. A good sexual relationship in a long-term marriage or relationship requires learning how to nurture mutual desire and erotic intimacy. Some couples discover the key to creating the chemistry that keeps intimacy going, seemingly without effort. Others are puzzled and frustrated to feel the excitement fade. Sometimes this happens after children are born, or life gets more stressful in other ways, and sometimes it happens for no obvious reason at all. These are the couples that can benefit most from sex therapy.

Some young couples experience feelings of embarrassment when they have problems with their sexual relationship. They may hear their friends make remarks that suggest that everyone except them is having great sex, leaving them feeling dysfunctional and ashamed. In fact, many couples of all ages experience sexual frequency dropping off within the first year of moving in together, and some experience sexual difficulties from the beginning. Working with a sex therapist, young couples can discover why they got off-track, and learn skills to create the kind of sexual relationship they have been hoping for.

It is a misconception that there is a certain point where sexual activity needs to end. Although it may not be exactly the same as it was in their 20’s, many people continue to be sexually active well into their 80’s. There are, of course, physical changes that go along with aging, particularly for those who have also experienced serious illnesses such as cancer or heart disease, or chronic conditions such as high cholesterol, high blood pressure, or diabetes. Post-menopausal women often experience discomfort during intercourse, and older men may experience erectile difficulties. Some of these problems can be addressed medically, and if any of these conditions are present, it is advisable to have a thorough examination by a physician knowledgeable about sexual functioning before beginning sex therapy. Once medical treatment has been explored in sex therapy, the therapist can help a couple find ways to continue to experience the joy and intimacy of a sexual relationship that works for them.

Sex therapists understand the needs of same-sex couples and couples with a wide range of sexual experiences. We are prepared to help all couples resolve their sexual issues with openness and acceptance. Issues discussed and intimacy-building activities will always be tailored to the needs of the couple in therapy.

There is no doubt that there are some physical conditions that impact sexual functioning. Sometimes there are also psychological factors, such as anxiety, depression, trauma, or beliefs and attitudes about sex that can interfere with sexual enjoyment. At times, lack of understanding or a sense of being in some way “broken” can get in the way of discussing the source of sexual problems, and may lead to avoidance of sexual contact. Although individual counseling may be a part of a comprehensive treatment plan, the solution is rarely to identify the partner with the problem and sending that person to therapy to get “fixed”. When problems are not physiological, they often are the result of the interaction of the two people. These problems are best resolved by involving both partners in therapy.

Although the best way to learn how to have good a good sexual relationship is to experience one, sometimes worry about sexual functioning can lead to avoiding experiences that have the potential to create disappointment or embarrassment. If you are not ready to enter into a relationship until you are able to resolve some issues, we can work with you to understand your problems and to find ways to improve functioning and gain the confidence to be ready for relationship opportunities.